Anonymous Shirdi Sai Devotee Says:
Sai Ram! I want to be Anonymous. Happy to write about this experience.
Today from the morning I was irritated, angry, frustrated with my mother because of her irresponsible behaviour towards money. Every month we fight because of money as I took out a loan on my name for her on a strict warning that she has to pay it regularly with the rent we get. But she didn’t pay for 4-5 months. I used my money and paid it, which I had saved for myself after resigning from the job.
Slowly I started paying for my credit card bill also. The money which I saved for myself is gone. Moreover, I have to pay the credit card bill also. That ended into full payment of the credit card bill now. And this behaviour of my mother made me feel so bad every time that I cry, we fight and decide not to talk forever till I die. Every time I cry asking Baba please get me out of this house; I can’t bear her, I can’t live with her, I’ve lost all respect for her. Because of her we suffer; how long should I bear this? She never changes, all her life she has been like this putting us in problems and troubles. I can’t handle this mental pressure anymore. Used to pray, please get me married and get me out of here. This happened for 4-5 months.
Even today it happened, I felt the same again today. I was doing my parayanam and while reading the chapter I came across the part in which Baba gives Vishnu Sahasranamam book to Shama. I read, “Why do you crave so much, why do you have to fight and get angry, if you have money then you can buy 1000 of books, but you cannot buy person or people, you can’t get them back, what did you learn after reading so many books and having knowledge, why do you have to be so greedy?”
Reading this, I felt I can earn money any time but I can’t get my mother again. Money is nothing. I should not behave like this.
I read another line, “how can you fight in front of me, how can you behave like this when I am here?”
I remembered that my mother and I fought in front of Sai Baba’s photo today where I read daily Satcharitra Ramayanam. I felt guilty.
I don’t know all of a sudden I said to Baba seeing him, “okay I will leave the past, I will not ask her for the money which I gave her previously (2lakhs, my saved money, I gave her 10k(10,000), 20k, 50k, 3k, 2k, 1k). I will not ask her for anything. I just have to pay my Rs 30,000 bill for the credit card. This worries me a lot. I will remove my only remaining PF money and use it to pay half of my credit bill and the rest my mother will give every month. Please at least let me apply tomorrow for PF(which I’m trying to apply for almost 11 months, i.e. 330 days). Baba used to create some situations and I used to postpone continuously.
I continued reading the chapters.
I felt, what is this, can’t I enjoy myself with my money, no one gives me money. Whatever I earned I used it all for family and friends. How much did
I use for myself, at least 5% 10% did I use? I spent everything when You said to donate, gave to my mother, spent on food for friends, what did I save,
I didn’t even buy gold, nothing important I did for myself. When I resigned, I knew that no one would give me money so I had just saved some money. At the end I used it again for my mother. All I have is PF money. And now that is also for credit card. I could not buy gold for my father, which I had planned and had also saved that money for him. I planned to buy gold chain or ring for my loved one. Nothing is happening now. Why I have to suffer like this. I cried so much thinking that I couldn’t spend for myself and did nothing that I wanted to do. You said You are there, where are You now. I was feeling so much pain.
I controlled myself and continued reading.
Then again, I read Kakaji will ask for some other book in return and Shama said why 1 book, he shall give 10 books in return. Then my greedy mind thought, what will You give me Baba. I stopped asking mom for money and left that 2 lacs, then I felt yuck! How cheap I am getting, no Baba no, I don’t want anything in return. I said I will not ask for 2 lacs and I will forget about it. You know I earned 4 lacs, I gave 90% of salary to mum, 10% for my basic needs, food and clothes. I saved some 4% – 5% that also I am not asking or thinking of now. I’m with empty hands. What I have used was just for food and clothes, I have used nothing now.
I felt bad, a little sad that I couldn’t do some things or couldn’t buy a few things for loved ones. I told myself it’s okay, get a job and earn again. I will not give 1 rupee also this time to mom. But maybe I still do, I guess because that has been happening from 2017 to 2019 every month and I ended up penniless, empty handed.
I continued reading, my mother came, seeing her I got frustrated and controlled myself so much. But at last we started arguing again and I said I can’t bear this mental pain every month with you. Then my brother said, ask her what is the total amount I will pay it off. I said 30k. I gave him details. He took and said that he will pay the credit card bill completely.
Once that was done my worries were gone. My PF money was saved. I’m breathing. Baba didn’t allow me to apply for PF in these 330 days. I don’t know what to say to Baba. I’m just relieved and happy. I’m peaceful now.
I cried in front of You and You showed miracle within an hour. You not only solved my financial problems but also fixed the mental health problem between my mother and me. Thank You can never be enough to say to You. But still Thank You Papa. I’m grateful to You.
I’m sorry for arguing and fighting. Sorry I couldn’t control. I’m helpless.
Thank You for always saving me and protecting me.
Before getting a job I thought I will use for food and clothes for myself and the rest of the money will be for You by helping others. Just because of causal thought, You just made me live like that, haha, and You proved this many times.
I will just keep quiet and like always please take care of everything. I will just stay like a statue, You make me do things and handle everything.
Please try to understand if I miss any words in between.
Om Sai Ram
Anonymous Sai Devotee
The life that we have got is for paying the kind of credit card bill that we have generated with our Karmas. Whatever we do, our every single thought and action is known to Baba and all accounting is maintained without any error. His accounting is Zero defect. Only when we debit good deeds it will start getting clear and free us from the worldly miseries. And the condition here is that no one can pay for us and we only have to clear it. Let us try our best to clear our bill in this life only and that we don’t need to take another loan(birth) to clear it. Love You Deva. Jai Jai Ho Sai. 😊
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