Shirdi Sai Devotee Sri Laxmi Says:
Thank you for bringing all of us to one place to share our Baba’s experiences. I feel like it’s the place where people who really understand us and our Baba’s leelas. I get different feeling when I share with non Baba devotees. But when I share it Baba devotee I become joyful and happier. I don’t know why but I feel now that things have to be shared where they are valued and inspired. Wow, just now I realised this. Thank you.
I will share my experience. I am praying for my marriage to be done with one guy who came to see me, it was my 1st match. I became like a drug addict to him without knowing anything about him. Just spending 5 minutes with him made me like this. Thinking of him, I couldn’t eat, sleep or do anything. Chanting or taking Baba’s name also became difficult for me. I was crying like hell and everything was happening without my knowledge. Even I was surprised and shocked to see myself to be like this for a guy who was completely opposite to what I wanted.
Through question and answers site, Baba said, “Come to Shirdi, Baba is remembering you.” But then I didn’t have rupee and my parents will not say ok. I was scared and left everything to Baba and asked my dad. He said ok which was impossible because he doesn’t like Baba and moreover he said that he will also come. I wrote that beautiful miracle in the before experience. After coming back from Shirdi, I said, “Baba now don’t call me again, I can’t come because this time parents will never allow.” And guess what again the answer came like go to Shirdi everything will be alright. But I didn’t go thinking ‘Dwarakamai is my heart, You are always with me, I can’t come this time. You only come to me.’
Days passed, and I heard that guy got engaged with another girl. I told the other person to let him go, Baba will send another guy for me. Baba might only send him away. But that night I cried like hell. I couldn’t even imagine my life without that guy. I asked Baba why I was crying like this for no reason towards him. I felt like I should have gone to Shirdi. I told Baba for the first time, if he gets married to that girl then I will die. I know You don’t like suicide, even I never thought of doing this when I faced horrible life, horrible pain because of my ex-partner. I always thought You are there and You will give me best. But now I am not able to feel like that. I don’t know why. I can’t think of anyone except him as my husband. Why I am even thinking to die for him Baba, do I really love him? Is this love, why do I feel so much for him?
Next day morning I asked my friend if we would go to Shirdi but she added one more guy and I lost interest in going with her. So I decided to go to Shirdi alone, which I should never do because Baba always answered do not travel alone, take someone with you. Whenever I went alone I faced horrible situations. I even faced death, it was just Baba’s grace that I am alive. But still I don’t know how just by checking dates, I booked the tickets and room also. Saying Baba You are there with me what wrong can go? Just for this one time please take care of me. And when I saw dates, it was Thursday, Ekadashi day. My joy had no bounds. I felt very happy because just 1month back on Ekadashi day I was in Shirdi, again in one month on the same day I was going to Shirdi again. That day I did Satyanayana vrat pooja for the first time for my marriage. I had not informed at home. I felt like informing someone and go but couldn’t tell at the last moment to anyone. I told her that I was going for a friend’s wedding. I asked my parents 500 Rs. With that money I started. Rest of the bookings I did with my credit card.
And the journey began, when I was going to pick up point, two old men came towards me and they were like, “Ahh! every where CCTV is there what to do?” The other man told, “They kept because there will be guys like you.” Then the other replied, “Yes, yes good men like me.” I started shivering with fear inside and said, “Baba, Baba help me.” One of them started talking to me directly. I didn’t respond. I was all alone. I got scared. Luckily 2 people came to me and those bloody old men shut their mouth and stood. When bus came, I boarded. I got excited and overjoyed that I was going to Shirdi. I said, “Sorry paapa for not listening to You but what to do. No one in the family will come with me and they will restrict me to go Shirdi as it was not even 1 month that we visited Shirdi. So I had to take this risk. Just starting only it was like this, don’t know how it will be from now. Please protect me Papa.” I was still in the thoughts of my guy. I cried thinking of him again and asked papa “Why I am a still crying when I am coming to You. I should not cry, I should not cry.” All night I could not sleep. I thought how will I stand in queue as I don’t have energy, stamina and strength to walk also and prayed Baba that He should only take care of me. But when I got down from the bus at Shirdi, I didn’t feel any weakness. I felt very normal.
My room was to be allocated to me at 11.00 am and the time was 7.30. I had ample time so I thought I would go and sit in Dwarakamai. When we read Satcharitra, few people first went to see Baba at nearby places and then after taking bath they would meet Baba again. Whenever I read this story, I felt like I should also see Baba first somewhere and then take a bath and go to Samadhi mandir. That dream became true now. I went to Dwarakamai. I sat. I didn’t know what to do. I thought I would read my Mahaparayan chapters and complete it in Baba’s presence, in front of Baba. I opened Satcharitra and read my 2 chapters. While reading, I cried, I got tears, the lines about Shama, when the snake bites him, he rushes to Baba but Baba scolds him and says to get out, get down. Shama cries thinking why Baba has to say these hurting words where should he go if Baba only says like this. These lines made me cry. I stopped reading and cried. I asked Baba why He was sending me away, why He was making me cry? Did He want me to go out of Dwarakamai? He didn’t want me there ah! I said. “Baba I came all alone without telling anyone just for You, as You asked me to come, I took this risk for Your sake and now You say me to go out.” I felt like this and wiped my tears and continued reading. The next lines were, don’t fear, don’t worry, this Dwarakamai fakir will protect you. Go home and sit quietly. Don’t get anxious or worry. All my pain had gone in one second. I became alright all of a sudden. I felt assured. I told Baba, “Go You are playing with my feelings.” I continued reading.
One small kid came and gave mishri as prasad. I felt sugar is given on good news. I felt like Baba gave sweet to me, His prasad in Dwarakamai is equal to the prasad given by Baba I felt. I forgot all the pain and was casually talking to Baba like normally I do. I finished not only 1 out of 2 chapters. Sitting in Dwarkamai is a gift, blessing; sitting for 15 to 20 minutes is something more equal to time spent with Baba. Parayanam should not be read in Dwarakamai but I read almost more than 15 pages. I had to read the daily parayan chapter also. I thought I would read that also. But after reading one two paragraphs I could not do it. I said, “Baba I will do reading afterwards not now. I closed the book and saw time. More than 1 hour was there for my room allotment. I thought I would do naam japam. I started saying Sairam Sairam Sairam, looking at everyone and the Dwarkamai walls. I saw Baba on TV in a green dress. Whenever I wish or ask Baba’s permission I ask Baba to wear a green dress and give a green signal so that I can proceed further. This I remembered but I felt I did not ask You anything na. Just seeing Baba on TV and doing naam japam made me forget myself. After sometime, beside Gurusthaan Baba puja was going on, they were doing aarti, the line came mata pita tum, twameva bandu, twameva swarvam mamdeva Deva. I cried again hearing this. I felt very emotional, whom I have other than You, You gave me whatever I asked; even silly small things. Then why You are not giving this guy to me, why You filled me my heart with so much of love for him, this love is not mine, it’s Yours, You only made me love him this much, now why did You do his engagement with other girl, do something and bring him back to me Baba. I slowly came to control and saw time. Security guard came and told me to move. I decided to leave as Baba was telling me to go. Still so much time was there.
I thought of going inside the temple and seeing Baba once through the window. I went inside through gate 4 and saw Baba. I didn’t know what to wish, what to ask, I was out of mind. Just blindly walking, going here and there. Saw one aunty reading a Satcharitra book. I went there and sat beside her, opened my Satcharitra and continued that daily parayana chapter. Her son talked to me, I felt happy and I smiled and I laughed. Now I realised, may be Baba made me laugh and smile through that small boy. Thank You Baba. I finished reading that daily chapter. I decided to go to my room and sit there till 11.00 o’clock. When I came out for auto, he asked 40 Rs. I didn’t have that budget and so I thought that I will walk and go to bhakti niwas. I asked one more auto guy, he said 30. I said I will give 10 Rs. He said no and I walked away from there. Another auto fellow called and said to wait for 5 minutes and that auto will come. In 2 minutes a big auto came and he dropped me at bhakti niwas for 10 Rs. I went inside, took room keys and got fresh. It was my first time to be there. I felt a little weak and thought of what shall I do now – go to darshan or sit in parayan hall and do parayanam on Thursday? I was so confused and didn’t know which one to decide, because I came from that far to have darshan and this Thursday timing also never came for me during these 7 to 8 trips to Shirdi. I decided to do parayanam as so many times I had darshan and felt like Baba is already with me so no need to stand in queue and become more weak. Happily will sit and do prayanam, finish today’s 1st day’s chapters and board the bus in the evening. When I came out of the bhakti niwas, I saw a free darshan pass token. I went and took the pass. I went to temple gate 1 and the gates were closed. So I asked security from where I should go into the line as I had pass and asked him to kindly see it. Then he opened the gate and sent me inside. You know how many lines I missed, mostly 15 to 20 lines I skipped and went inside that too on Thursday. I stood in the queue and then realised, why did I come here, I got stuck here? Don’t know how much time it will take, as it is Thursday it may take more hours. I may not start parayanam and thought maybe Baba doesn’t want to fulfil my wish and that’s why He is not allowing me to read and made me stand there. I decided to take darshan and go to my room immediately so that I don’t miss the bus. But as we went inside, the queue never stopped, it was continuously moving, didn’t know when and how we all moved that fast. My time for darshan was 1pm to 2pm but I thought it would be 3 or 4 as it was Thursday. In the queue when I saw time it was still 1.25 pm only. I felt happy if I have darshan soon then at least I can start parayan and do the rest reading at room or bus. I happily moved further.
Two old ladies came, one lady was so so and so devoted that she kept on saying Baba Baba Baba with so much of love and care. I felt like, “I really can’t love You this much. Sorry papa for forgetting You all these days. Why couldn’t I think of You like this?” I felt a little disappointed. But seeing her made my heart move closer towards Baba. I told her to come with me and I would make her see Baba close and sit in front of Baba which I always do. Actually my plan was to stand in the corner lines and go out of the mandir soon so that I can read parayanam but for that old lady I decided to take her to inside lines and then, when I was just about to enter into mandir main entrance I started crying again. I said, “Baba again I am getting tears, control me. Help me. Please take care of me.” I took 101 rupees and put it in hundi which I didn’t want to do because I wanted to use it for my food. But unknowingly I dropped that money. I went near Baba; I took Satcharitra and gave it to Pandit. He kept it near Samadhi and gave flower with a book. This was my 7 to 9 years dream that I should get flower or garland from Samadhi. Every time everyone gets whoever comes with me to Shirdi except me. Though I got disappointed I waited with patience that someday Baba will give me and I shall take it. It happened today. I came and sat hiding at hundi so that no security guard sees me and sends me away. I do this every time. Haha. I do naam japam, pray, wish and get excited what more should I do. I took Satcharitra out, and wished for my marriage. And I thought of reading atleast 2 lines. I did reading. Finished 2 lines but no security guard was seen. I didn’t know what to do in that happiness and I started reading in front of Baba that too in the mandir. I was all out of control. No one was calling or sending me away and so thought that I shall read more till someone calls. I again opened the book and continued and finished that one page. I told Baba, I can’t read in this excitement anxiety and so I will do it peacefully in parayana hall. This is enough for now, this 1 page is enough. I closed the book and kept it in a bag. One security guard came saying baaai chalo chalo. I said, “Yes I am going.” I came out of mandir hall, but didn’t feel like going, so stood there in front of Baba, seeing Him. No security guard was telling me to go and I didn’t know what to do or ask Baba. Ok Baba I will leave now taata.
When I came out in a hurry to search where that parayan hall was, one uncle called and said to buy doop and put it there. Again it was my year’s dream, to put dhoop batti on Thursday especially at Neem tree. I just bought it and went 3 rounds at Neem tree. Gave that doop and batti at neem tree. I was doing everything in a hurry and rush. Just like, yes I have to do this, next this, ah over, again this work. This way I was going on doing like this. Later I went to search parayan hall. Asking everyone and they showed me the way. I went inside the parayan hall. There was a big Baba photo, to which I didn’t even go and sat directly at one place and opened the book to read. There was a clock, when I saw the time, it was 2 o’clock. What should I say? I was wonderstruck, what happened, darshan was done in 1 hour including sitting in front of Baba, chanting His name, doing parayan, putting doop, doing 3 rounds around neem tree slowly, searching for a hall.. that too on a Thursday. On normal days only we used to have darshan in 3 hours, my legs used to pain but now on Thursday, in 1 hour that too afternoon when there will be so much crowd. It was like a dream for me for everything that had happened. I opened Satcharitra without wasting time and wished Baba, saw Baba’s eyes on the parayana desk, prayed to Him there only and started again from 1st line 1st page and decided to read till how much ever I could complete till 4 o’clock, because at 5 I had bus. When I completed the 1st chapter it was only 10 minutes. I felt assured and calculated time for every chapter and it resulted at exactly 4 o’clock. I read continuously but a little bit fast. Haha again I cried and I don’t remember the reason but I cried again. Someone came and gave prasad to everyone. When he came to me he again gave mishri to me. I ate it and continued reading.
While reading so many thoughts again, I have to offer coconut, agarbatti at Dwarkamai which I wanted to do for years. And I only had 20 Rs for an auto to go to my room. Next time I will buy whom I will ask for money here. I continued. I felt again, go visit Shani Shiva Ganesh Hanuman temples. Yea yea I have to visit them also na. But at last chapters were 6 and 7 I lost hope that I might not do it and decided to go but I don’t know why I couldn’t get up and I just blindly went on reading. Successfully I completed 7 chapters. I said thank You Baba that too in hurry. Before I left, I went to that biggest photo in hall to touch Baba and take blessings which I should have done first. When I went I saw Baba’s eyes and there, I kept seeing Him for few seconds and it was like as if time had stopped there. I kept my head at His lotus feet. This time just not for formality sake, I moved forward and touched His holy feet.
I came out and rushed to Chavadi. No one was there, went inside and touched Baba’s photo and came out rushing to go for auto. Haha but I stopped at Dwarkamai seeing coconuts. I asked him the price. He said 30 Rs. I had only 20 Rs. I asked him to give for 20 Rs and he gave. I never bargain, but I did, don’t know why. I took coconut and removed the agarbatti packet. The security lady asked to remove the plastic cover. As I was holding water bottle books and everything was messed up in my hands, she herself opened the cover and told me to go inside. I went inside; there was no rush at all. Earlier whenever I saw, there would be big queue and we would leave. I offered agarbatti in dhuni, saw Baba photo and came out. I forgot about the time doing all this. Standing on road, I didn’t have money for auto, didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what the time was. I said, “Baba, don’t make me miss the bus. I can’t afford 1000 Rs. again for bus, parents will get worried, don’t do this to me.” I thought of asking money from someone. It was only 10 Rs. that I needed. I thought of walking and going but I was not able to step further waiting for the free bus. It came after 10 minutes. I boarded. The bus had to be full to start and they were not starting the bus. After 5 mins they started. Whenever they start someone used to come and board. It became more late. I was so worried. Finally somehow bus started. It went to some ashram then everyone got down, they all were slow and my tension had no limits. Then again they started to bhaktiniwas. Then only rain started. I ran inside, ran to room, just kept everything in bag and locked the door. When I was returning the key he asked for slip, which I didn’t have. He said to go and check in room. It was like hell. I ran again and searched but there was no slip. I told him and he said to check in the bag. I had to remove everything again but still that slip was not there. He was explaining something but my mind was not listening to anything. I told him that I had a bus at 5 in 10 minutes then. I will cry then. He said, “Ok, ok wait I will talk in the office.” He too came along with me, he told Sai Baba hai, Baba hai. I told him that I had come for the first time and so I didn’t know all about this slip etc. Then uncle said, “If you don’t have that slip then the room will be on your name continuously and you have to pay the amount. I told him that I had understood then what he was trying to say. He said it was okay. He went inside the office and told me to go to the bus and that he would take care of that. I rushed out and the rain was like I could completely get soaked. If I didn’t go, the bus would move. Just kept one cover on my head and ran to the bus point. I just made sure that my head doesn’t get wet so that I can be free from fever and illness. Though my clothes got soaked my upper body was a little warm. I went and they just kept the bus ready. I went inside and went up to my upper berth. Finally I boarded the bus.
This was my unplanned Shirdi trip, where Baba blessed me every second this time. I was just an instrument that He played however He wanted. He made me cry, laugh, smile, run, relax and made me do all those things which I wanted to do for years and years. Everything happened on Thursday. I am so happy. I am still wondering, how did I go alone, how did I manage all those things, what I thought is just to have darshan and return to the room, but what all happened over there was something beyond my imaginations or expectations. And this answer, that, Baba’s blessings are beyond human imaginations also came true.
This time, it was like every minute, every second You guided me, pulled me, pushed me wherever You wanted me and I was there according to Your wish. I was either doing jaap Sairam or noticing things which You wanted to show, realise what You are saying, doing parayanam and was feeling You. Not even one second was wasted.
Though I got these many blessings, still I cried in the bus while sleeping thinking of that guy. I said, ”Baba You are blessing me this much, taking care of me so much, giving whatever I ask then why You made his engagement with another girl? Why are You not able to see my pain? How much more should I realise that I love him. Please, make our marriage.” I cried so much like a baby and slept. Had that boondi prasad little and slept. Morning I came back home. Left all the Shirdi covers, flowers and prasad also in the bus as my mother would get doubts and catch me.
Ah forgot to say, in parayanam hall, when I opened Satcharitra, there was a rose flower petal which made me smile, be happy and very excited to start parayan. I showed that rose to Baba’s big photo and said, “See what I got” and kept in my head. I felt very joyful and excited to start reading without any reason. I also got prasad while reading.
What more can I ask Baba? What can I ask? What is not possible for You? What are we to do anything? It’s You Who makes us do things. It’s all You. We are just instruments.
I can never forget this leela of Yours. Thank You for choosing me.
Please make corrections wherever necessary. Hope this brings a lot of faith and patience to all the devotees. Om Sairam Sri Sairam Jai Sairam.
I do nothing, except taking Baba’s name. It’s enough to get close to Baba.
Thank You for always giving me 1000 or 100 times more than for what I ask. I am always grateful to You Paapa.
Jai Sai Ram
Without Baba’s will who can be in Shirdi? Only whom Baba wishes to see are called. A step on the holy soil of Shirdi is also so meritorious to ward off our calamities. He invites, arranges everything and blesses us. Who can measure His infinite love and fully understand His inscrutable ways. He alone knows what He has in His mind. One thing is for sure that whatever He does, He does for the good of His devotees Blessed to be in His fold. Love You Deva. Jai Jai Ho Sai. 😊
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P. S. We started publishing one
experience on daily basis from 30 Nov 2017 as many experiences have been
received. Your experience would also get published as per the sequence. Please
share your comments, it really matters a lot. You can share your experiences related
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related to Mahaparayan on Devotees Experiences With Shirdi Sai Baba